I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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