you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
