No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
