yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
