Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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