he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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