I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
