that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
