Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
