accomplished twins. life is a go
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Come on in and take your pants off
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