I'm pants shitting drunk right now
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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