I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
