Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
