i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
