I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
