He uses pillows to masturbate.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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