Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
