Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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