I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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