the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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