I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
