he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
