That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
