You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
