It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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