i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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