you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
