Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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