The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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