***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
