girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
