I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
