Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
