Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
