oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize