Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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