I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
