The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
