After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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