So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
