i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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