I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize