so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
