Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
