very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
