i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
