Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize