I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
