A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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