He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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