My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
