Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize