I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
