hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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