he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just found puke in my bra..
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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