Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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