Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
