For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
