How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
