Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh god it's open bar.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
