in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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