Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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