Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
