It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
