Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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