Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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