so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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