I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
