I wanna bring you to show and tell
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
