my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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