But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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