if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
