Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
