We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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