the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
50% drunk capacity currently
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
