I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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