hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize