I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize