I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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